Finance special

From: Prabhsharan Singh Kang

A city boy, Raju, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for Rs 100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died last night."

Raju replied: "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Raju said: "OK then, just unload the donkey.."

The farmer asked: "What you gonna do with him?"

Raju: "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note: To raffle is to sell a thing by lottery - draw lot - to a group of people each paying the same amount for a ticket)

Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Raju: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Raju and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Raju: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two rupees a piece and made a profit of Rs. 898."

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"

Raju: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two rupees."

Raju grew up and eventually became the Chairman of Satyam.

Classy & Witty - Steven Wright Quotes

STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES
 
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:
  
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
 
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
 
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
 
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
 
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
 
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
 
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
  
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
 
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... but she left me before we met.
  
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
 
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
 
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
 
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
 
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
 
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
 
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
 
19 - I intend to live forever.... so far, so good.
 
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
 
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
 
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
 
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
 
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
 
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread
 
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
 
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
 
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
 
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
  
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Very Important - Keep this in mind

Keep this in mind ... Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout. Do you know why a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. Look Ahead and Move on. Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write. All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either. Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold! Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end! When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities. A blind person asked Swami Vivekanand: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!" When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you. WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away today's PEACE. Have a contented,happy and peaceful life!