Inspiring Thoughts..............

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

Love...and you shall be loved. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him. All people smile in the same language. A hug is a great gift... one size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it's easy to exchange.

Everyone needs to be loved...especially when they do not deserve it. The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity. Laughter is God's sunshine. Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it.

It's important for parents to live the same things they teach. Thank God for what you have, TRUST GOD for what you need. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.

Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks within. The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow. Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul. If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it.

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together. The best thing parents can do for their children is to love each other.

Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it. We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.

Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others. For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are.

.................sent in by Rev Balthazar Castelino: Paris

Man's life cycle....

God created the donkey
and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.
.....................................................................

God created the dog
and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and
you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years".
God granted his wish.

.........................................................................
God created the monkey
and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "
The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
.....................................................................
Finally God created man...
and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is too little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
.................................................................
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man,
marries and spends 30 years like a donkey,

working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house

and eating whatever is given to him,

So that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,

going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That they say is Life..

Dying to Live.... !

God's Coffee...

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us." God brews the coffee, not the cups........ .. Enjoy your coffee!
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything." Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

.......sent in by Pranab Ranade: New Delhi

Maxie's Definitions

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that You actually look forward to the trip.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says midway "See I am not injured yet."
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Catholic Horses...

One day, while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.
Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate, the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse..
Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued, the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.
By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.
Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent on the old nag.
He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last.
Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.
Confronting the old priest he demanded, "Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then, in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you, I've lost every cent."
The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. "Son," he said, "That's the problem with you Protestants. You can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the last rites....."

......sent in by Sandra Noronha: Scarsdale-Totronto: Canada

Church Magazine

The following have all appeared in church magazines so let us thank God for church ladies with typewriters.


--------------------------
Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.
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Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'
Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'

AAADD

Perhaps knowing I would be the most likely candidate that fits the bill, Shalu Modi: New Delhi: sent this one to me.....
Indeed, I do suffer from

AAADD

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....
They say there's a name for this disorder.
Shoud I feel better because the disorder has a name, I don't know...
I beleive I do have most if not all the symptoms spoken here!!
And if I got myself checked up, I know I will be diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how they say it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table ,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the drink I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the drink aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The drink is getting cold,
and I pick it up before it becomes undrinkable.
As I head toward the kitchen with the drink,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--the flowers I see need water.
I put the drink on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is an insipid cold cup of my drink sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only one check leaf in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail...
Do me a favor.
Share this message with everyone you know,
because I don't remember who I've sent it to.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming

The Blue Ribbon

....sent in by Subash Pereirakamath: Al Khobar, Saudi Arabia:

Don't despair when at the edge of a cliff....

Revelations 3:8

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only one of two things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!

'The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor. If you believe, may be you will share this message with another. If you don't believe, no problems. God will still be there for you.

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close. He wants you to have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...

Lessons in Life, By Regina Brett

For over 7 years, Regina Brett was a columnist at The Beacon Journal in Akron, Ohio. During that time, she was diagnosed and successfully treated for *** cancer.

Regina is now a columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland, Ohio. Her column runs on Sunday, Wednesday and Friday.

Lessons in Life, By Regina Brett

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 46 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I ‘ve ever written.

My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here’s an update:

1...Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it..

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23.Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. This too will change, so be at peace.

46. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

God Bless you.

Look to your health; and if you have it, praise God, and value it next to a good conscience; for health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of; a blessing that money cannot buy. ----------------Izaak Walton


.....sent in by Rev Balthazar Castelino: Paris: 07 July 2009